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  • Writer's pictureMichelle Harris

Sex and Intimacy, Part Five (Sexual Needs of Men and Women)

Do you know your spouse’s sexual needs? Have you ever asked your spouse what their top needs are? Do you know how your spouse's needs have changed with each season of life you have encountered as a couple?


There are quite a few books on this topic. But in “The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women” by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg, their research shows the top needs of men and women, where the needs differ, and where the needs overlap.


The Top 5 Needs for Men are:

Mutual Satisfaction

Connection

Responsiveness of wife

Initiation of wife

Affirmation


The Top 5 Needs for Women are:

Affirmation

Connection

Nonsexual touch

Spiritual intimacy

Romance


Husbands want to know that their wife is enjoying sex, that he is able to bring her pleasure, that she wants him and will pursue him back, and that she affirms him. Surprisingly, men ranked connection as the second highest need, the same ranking as the women. Sex helps husbands feel connected.


In a world where women are constantly told they are not enough, they need affirmation from their husband that they are the only one for him. They need to know they are cherished and affirmed. They feel connected through conversation and time spent together. They thrive off of non-sexual touch, spiritual intimacy, and they want to be pursued and romanced even after the wedding day.


If there is a disconnect in your sexual relationship, consider these needs. Invite your spouse into conversation about these needs to see where you can work together to fulfill one another’s needs. And forget the Golden Rule. Do not treat your spouse how you want to be treated. Treat them how they want to be treated.


So, how do we get healthier in this area? How can we be counter-cultural? We stand confidently on Biblical truth. We start at home. We love our families to the best of our abilities. We encourage those around us. We encourage our churches to begin or continue these conversations. We celebrate how wonderful sex in marriage is.


There is so much to say on this topic. But let’s start with loving our spouses well and choosing to intentionally connect. Let’s seek help if we need it. Some of the healthiest people are in therapy, intentionally growing as individuals and as couples. Do not wait to seek help and support. You are worth it.


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